Love Shack: Living under the same roof puts student couples to the test
Pizza boxes, pretzels and soda bottles shrouded Rebecca Zeller and Josh Roth’s kitchen table.
The television blared R. Kelly’s ‘Trapped in the Closet’ opera from the nearby living room. An opened package of Oreos rested on the nearby counter. Friends strolled in and out in jeans and faded T-shirts.
Seniors Zeller and Roth’s off-campus apartment seemed typical of college students. But they are not typical: Unlike most college roommates, they live together as partners in a romantic relationship.
For many Syracuse University students, the idea of living together with a partner off campus, signing a lease and often jointly paying the utility bills seems stupid and scary. A lease, a legally binding contract, forces the couple to live together for at least the year, which worries some couples, and dealing with other roommates may be awkward. But some SU couples believe living together allows them to become closer and learn to work out their problems.
Roth, a marketing and music industry major, and Zeller, a music industry major, began dating on and off their sophomore year and signed a lease with three other friends in the fall of their junior year. They thought there was a chance they might not be dating when they lived together, but decided they could stick it out for the convenience of their other friends, no matter what happened.
‘We thought, look, we’re all adults, we got into this lease, we’re not going to back out,’ Zeller said. ‘Whatever happens, happens.’
For the first six weeks of their senior year, they were not dating. Living together and dealing with each other’s presence, as well as each other’s hook-ups, was awkward, Roth said. But soon after, they began dating and hooking up, both unsure of what their status was. Today, they have been happily living together as a couple for months.
‘Living together, I feel like 25-year-olds do that, not me,’ Zeller said. ‘But it works for me.’
But not all couples manage to live together successfully, and within time, some break up. Neither party, however, can move out easily: If both have signed the lease, they are legally bound to that lease, said Christopher Burke, an attorney at Student Legal Services. A lease guarantees to a landlord that each roommate will pay full rent for each month.
‘If you’ve signed the same lease, so you’re sharing the apartment, you’re responsible for your total rent,’ Burke said.
Landlords or remaining roommates sometimes will arrange to make up for the departed roommate’s rent, said Burke, who has worked with many students who have tried to get out of their lease when they break up with a roommate. Usually, however, landlords just care about getting their money and the politics of the break-up does not concern them.
‘Landlords aren’t interested in people’s private lives,’ Burke said. ‘It doesn’t make a difference if a couple is romantic or platonic roommates.’
It may make a difference to other roommates, however. Many college couples living together off campus have other roommates, and their relationship with these roommates may sometimes be uncomfortable.
Zeller and Roth kept their reunited status secret from their roommates for a few weeks because they did not want them to feel uncomfortable with them, nor did they feel they wanted to broadcast their relationship.
‘Because we’ve been on and off, it’s been a bit of a saga,’ Zeller said. ‘It’s annoying that we have to justify being together and have them say, ‘You guys are going to be fighting all the time (while living together).’
When the roommates learned through other friends that Zeller and Roth were again an item, they were annoyed they hadn’t known. It caused some drama in the house, they said, but now most of the roommates are comfortable with their relationship.
Any awkwardness from living with a partner, whether dating or broken up, is minimized if each partner has a room. Zeller and Roth, who both have their own room, use it for their own comfort or escape, Zeller said. But being together is much more convenient than if they’d lived in separate apartments.
A result of living in the same space may be that the relationship – perhaps for good or bad – must have more communication. Anna Wong, a junior psychology, social work and special and elementary education major, believes her improved communication with her boyfriend while they lived on Lancaster Avenue last semester strengthened their relationship.
‘There was a lot less misunderstanding when living together,’ Wong said. ‘It’s comfortable knowing you are returning to a place with someone who cares for you. You learn each other’s habits and better respect the other person by offering what they need rather than what you need.’
Wong, who is studying abroad in London this semester, and her boyfriend broke up this semester. Although the distance made communicating with her boyfriend more difficult, she has grown from being apart.
‘Physical distance brings new thoughts and developments and gives a lot of objectivity,’ Wong said.
All roommates living off campus devise some system to pay the various bills, and even best friends can fight about late checks or missing money. But if a couple living together breaks up and one member wants to move out, the politics of the bills becomes complicated.
‘Sometimes when two people anticipate sharing an apartment and then one moves out, the other can’t find a new roommate,’ Burke said. ‘Do they owe their respective share of future utilities?’
Most of the awkwardness now comes from others. Non-roommate friends are sometimes surprised if the couple wants to spend time together when at home, because they assume the couple spends most of their time together, Roth said.
Their parents, who were initially uneasy about their living together, now have come to accept it and don’t care, Zeller said.
‘Everyone says, ‘Don’t live with your boyfriend because it will ruin everything,” Zeller said. ‘But if anything, it makes things better.’
‘We know the things that piss each other off or annoy each other,’ Roth added. ‘We know each other’s issues.’
Not all couples should believe they could live together and be perfectly happy, Wong said. If they think that, they might be surprised at how difficult it can be. Other couples think about what type of relationship they are in and what they would like from living together. They can’t assume it will be perfect, Wong said.
‘I think because we did go into it without that assumption, it worked,’ Zeller said. ‘It wasn’t a fairly-tale situation. But it’s worked out really well.’
Published on April 26, 2006 at 12:00 pm