Halloween is a wonderful time at Syracuse University. I was so excited sophomore year that I threw up from eating too much candy (I wish I was kidding). But we all can’t splurge on fancy costumes like Princess Kate or Kathy Griffin, which is why I’m here to help with your search for the perfect Halloween costume. Below are my top bargains of the season, and I’m such a nice guy I even included how to put the whole shindig together. Have fun and remember, unless they’ve eaten it, it’s technically not their candy.

Netflix Binge-Watcher

Materials: Sweatpants, T-shirt (preferably with Cheetos crumbs), Netflix account, laptop

For the guy who is too cool for Halloween but still kind of wants to be a part of the fad, I present the Netflix binge-watcher. A simple and elegant design, it’s just as comfortable as it is relatable. Plus, now you can go out while still keeping up with “House of Cards.” Everybody wins.

Scary Guys Who Yell About God on Marshall Street

Materials: Whatever your creepy uncle wears, a large sign that you can wear on your chest or one that you can hold up while yelling, pamphlets

This one takes extra dedication, since you’ll have to come up with your own propaganda. Some past suggestions from people I’ve never asked have included “God Hates Mags,” “Jesus Christ is a 5 Star on Rivals.com” and “Do it for the Wine (Jesus’ Blood).” What sucks about this one is that you can’t really go out and get candy if you’re yelling about God all night next to Starbucks. But that’s the price one must pay to wear the costume.

Bernie Sanders

Materials: A suit, opinions

This one is fun because once you say that you are Bernie Sanders, you pretty much have license to say anything. Candy should be illegal in Nevada? Sure. The minimum wage should be paid in Bitcoin? Why not? As Bernie Sanders, nothing is out of the realm of possibility. You’ll know you’re doing a really good job if the college students around you wholeheartedly believe what you are saying.

Syracuse Basketball Player

Materials: Jersey, shorts, headband, sleeve (optional)

This is more about execution than attire. Once you put everything together, what you do is go to South Campus and stay there for about three months. Then, when Mayfest rolls around, come back to campus and resume normal activities.

Mets/Cubs Fan

Materials: T-shirt with a logo, crippling anxiety.

One team hasn’t won since 1986, the other since 1908. This is a big deal for both teams and furthermore, their fan bases. Your responsibilities include: only talking about your favorite team and talking about how catastrophic losing would be to you and your mental health. Bonus for live-tweeting during every pitch, regardless of the amount of damage you are doing to other people’s timelines.

A Freshman Waiting to get into a Party

Materials: Whatever freshmen wear. I don’t know, a flannel with a chain wallet? I’m old.

This one is great because you’re guaranteed to spend no money. What you want to do is get into a line for any party you see, preferably with a group of no less than 25-30 girls. What happens next is, you get all the way to the front of the line, and then leave once they ask for your money. Proceed to do this about seven or eight times over the course of the night until you just give up and order Domino’s at 1:30 a.m.

Have a great Halloween, and please don’t go as the Joker. It’s tacky.

Danny Cuneo is a senior television, radio and film major. He has been the red power ranger for Halloween AND NO OTHER POWER RANGER. He can be reached at dacuneo@syr.edu.

Published on October 20, 2015 at 9:29 pm