If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably stopped to think about what cars our current presidential candidates might fancy for transportation at least once. Would Trump drive a jacked-up Ford or Chevrolet pick-up truck? Or perhaps he’d drive around in a limousine, because it is, as he puts it, “classy.”

I’m here to tell you which car all of our current candidates are most likely to drive. So buckle up, because I’m sure this kind of information will be vital for casting your vote come November.

Hillary Clinton

The first candidate we’ll discuss is Democratic front-runner, Hillary Clinton. Out of everyone left in the field, she would be most likely to own a black Cadillac Escalade with tint so dark you can barely see out of it. She’s had transparency issues in regards to her private email account, and her past is somewhat shady in places to say the least, so this car fits her perfectly. You can fit a lot of baggage in the back of an Escalade, and that’s similar to what Clinton would bring to the presidency. Her past is long and full of the kind of adventures you can get yourself into with a giant Cadillac SUV.

Ted Cruz

Next we’ll move onto a Republican, Ted Cruz. Now it would be quite fitting for the senator to roll around in a Chevrolet Cruze. The sentence, ‘Cruz cruised in his Cruze’ is just too great to miss out on writing. His campaign feels like it’s in cruise mode as well. He’s not really pulling on Trump in any way, nor is he locked out of the nomination yet. If he has eyes on the White House, then he’s got to get off cruise control and make some headway in the Republican race.

Donald Trump

Donald Trump has managed to make every single person in America and every media outlet take notice of him, so with his personality he needs something flashy. On top of that, Trump would best fit an American car over any kind of possible import. Because of this, I’d declare the car that personifies Trump the most is the Hummer H1. It is brash and in your face like no other car out there, just like Trump has been throughout his campaign. The H1 is also undeniably American since its original purpose was as a United States military vehicle. Trump has been as durable a candidate as there is, surviving everything that’s thrown at him or he throws at himself, similar to how the Hummer was engineered to be beat within an inch of its life and still perform exceptionally.

Bernie Sanders

If there was any candidate who would drive around in a rusted-out Toyota Prius it would be Bernie Sanders. Bumper stickers would cover the entire exterior. This car embodies him to such a great extent because it stands for a lot of the principles that he champions. Sanders is without a doubt the most environmentally conscious of all the candidates and that’s exactly what the Prius is about. I matched him to an old worn-out Prius since buying a new one would mean spending a good deal of money, and Sanders would probably want to make it possible for more people to do their part to save the environment, by spreading the wealth around a bit more.

John Kasich

Last, but not least, we come to John Kasich. He’s sticking around in the race to the White House, but isn’t making much noise on the way there. Kasich has been under the radar this whole time, and it’s not entirely clear how much longer he’ll be around. This plight seems similar to that of Alfa Romeo’s comeback to the states. They’ve brought one car here in their revival so far, and it hasn’t exactly done well, but they’re still hanging around. There is plenty more planned, but none of it is certain. Kasich is still in the race for the Republican nomination, but his hopes dwindle with every loss he is dealt by Trump or Cruz.

Zac Palmer is a sophomore magazine journalism major. His column appears weekly in Pulp. He can be reached at zipalmer@syr.edu.

Published on March 20, 2016 at 9:23 pm