A lot of things about college are really strange and really exciting and also really petrifying — the first being living in very close quarters with 20-40 people who you previously did not know existed.

You’ll get to know these people incredibly well over the next few months. Probably more than you ever would have liked to in most cases. There will be a host of awkward interactions with them that you will cherish for years: in the dining hall, in the lounge and in the bathroom — especially the bathroom. You have the distinct privilege of watching the beginning of a particular group of incompetent weirdos learn and grow and come into their own over the course of a year, or even the next four years.

To save you the trouble of waiting, I am here to tell you exactly where your freshman floor will be going into your senior year of college.

The Girl from Los Angeles Who is Too Cool to Be Your Friend – She will run a semi-famous Instagram account for food pictures, all of which are prettier than you are. Projections indicate she will choose havarti cheese to be the next “trendy food.” She might end up modeling on the side as well. You’ll be acutely aware of this by the multitude of Instagram photos using the hashtag #model. And yes, she’s going to write a semi-successful screenplay as well.

Mr. 420BlazeIt Who Probably Gave You Your First Hit of Weed and Laughed While You Coughed for Five Minutes– He will get into a great grad school program and do something genuinely good with his life. Throughout college, he will be known as The Guy Who Never Turns Down A Smoke Sesh, and always provides some great music that is way cooler than anything on your Discover Weekly playlist. The best guy you’ve ever and will ever meet.

The Girl Who Joined Every Club – She will have a really great internship in the city the summer before senior year, and her boss will be so blown away by her almost robotic work ethic they will offer her a full-time position after graduation. She will continue to go running everyday at 6 a.m. despite staying up until 2 a.m. actually doing the readings for class. Will one day kill her husband.

OD Orange Fan – He will end up being president of Otto’s Army. He’ll have a picture of him throwing up a “Number One” next to two serious-faced basketball players on his mantle next to empty decorative handles of alcohol in his house on Sumner. He will turn on the Alma Mater when he needs a good cry.

The Guy Who Moved In Wearing a Button Down and Boat Shoes – He will drop out of school to focus on his passion for volunteer work. It definitely won’t be related to failing out of his classes. And it definitely will not be related to his frat.

Everybody from New Jersey – They will still be talking about what exit they live at on the parkway and whether it’s taylor ham or porkroll. For the record, exit 63, it’s porkroll and central Jersey does not exist.

The Girl Who Vomited the First Night – After she writes her three page essay to the Department of Student Affairs discussing the dangers of alcohol, she will continue to spend a lot of nights similar to this one. Honestly, she’ll probably become an alcoholic— but a functional one, so it won’t be a problem she deals with for another few years. Hey, you aren’t an alcoholic until after college, right?

Your RA – Will still be underappreciated.

Needless to say, you won’t talk to any of these people regularly in three years. But when you see them at Chuck’s, be sure to buy them a drink and wish you could go back and do those four years all over again.

Patty Terhune is a senior policy studies and television, radio and film dual major. While talking to the first person she met on campus she fell down the stairs. You can follow her on Twitter @pattyterhune or reach her at paterhun@syr.edu

Published on August 23, 2016 at 8:09 pm