Do you know what to do when you catch that cold every single person you interact with has, or when that very same cold becomes something more serious? Check out the latest information on the campus cold — symptoms, prevention, treatment and even home remedies.

Symptoms: Sneezy, stuffy, sore throat, dry mouth, wet mouth, fatigue, exhaustion, inability to sleep, inability to go out on a Tuesday, inability to walk up a 30-degree incline without wheezing, inability to focus on class, inability to focus on excuses to get out of class, trouble breathing, breathing.

Prevention: Don’t go out. No, I’m serious, don’t go out. No, really, stop laughing. DJ’s is infested with germs. No, the basement of that fraternity house has never even seen hand sanitizer, let alone a deep scrub. No, that random person you’ll end up making out with probably does not have the cure to the common cold in the back of their throat.

Alright, fine. Go out, but just mix with orange juice.

Also, cut your hands off. Otherwise they’ll spread germs and you’ll get germs spread to you. Learn how to live without them.

Cold vs. flu: If you had more A’s you’re a Miranda and you definitely have the cold. Quirky and contagious.

If you had more B’s you’re a Carrie. You monologue that flu, girl!

Treatment: There is no treatment.

Signs it could be more serious: It is more serious.

When to call a doctor: Don’t bother going to a doctor, and definitely don’t bother going to health services. You’re too far gone. It’s been nice knowing you. Thanks for choosing WebMD.

Home remedies: Stay at home. We’re all going to die one day. Just make peace with it now. You really don’t have to be the hero that has to go into their sophomore sociology class. Try to “get better.” Probably not possible though, so just stay at home and finally finish your Netflix queue, read a book or write your Last Will and Testament. Cough today, dead one day. That’s what we say here.

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Patty Terhune is a senior policy studies and television, radio and film dual major. She is sick. Follow her on Twitter @pattyterhune or reach her at paterhun@syr.edu.

Published on January 25, 2017 at 11:14 pm