What did I do last summer?

Depends on who is asking. If you’re a college student or someone who I want to feel bad for me, I will tell you of the horrid summer spent at the closing sporting goods chain, Sports Authority. If I want to impress you, I’ll tell you all about my internship in New York City. In reality, my internship was to help work in film/television production for a company that’s one woman whose main job was not production of any sort. Basically, I interned for a therapist who wanted to film a podcast. She only had me come into her offices a few times, and even bought me lunch once.

That’s not to say I did not try for other internships. I applied to internships faster than Donald Trump tweets. I could bust out a cover letter faster than our president can figure out what to say in 140 characters. Despite my superior cover letter writing skills, I was not able to land an internship last summer. But, what I do have experience in is interviews. Apparently, I’m so good at interviewing that the six in-person interviews and multiple video chats or phone calls were not good enough to land me an internship.

With my foolproof success rate, I am the most qualified person to write an advice column on how to ace that interview.

First thing you’ll have to do is dress up. For all parties involved, I recommend a suit for everyone. Yes ladies, even for you, except if you’re running for president. You want to look presentable and impressive. It doesn’t matter that everyone wears jeans in the office on a daily basis, you better look like you can afford at least one dress shirt.

The next thing to do is make sure you print out copies of your resume. Regular printer paper is the equivalent of handing them a used napkin, apparently. So, you’ll want to blow $35 at Staples to get 100 sheets of almond paper. You only want to bring a few copies. This shows you’re prepared but you’re not going on a ton of other interviews, and let’s be honest, you’re not.

When arriving to an interview, show up around 10 minutes early. You’ll probably never time that exactly correct, so chances are, if you really want this position, you’ll be anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour and 45 minutes early. If you’re in a major city, standing on the street will be necessary, but if you drove, then you can sit in your car on your phone and hope nobody who works there comes outside the office.

Once you get there a professional 10 minutes early, let whoever is around know that you’re here to see the person you’ve been emailing and hope you’re pronouncing their name right. It’s important to shake everyone’s hand you see. Shake it firmly as you can — it’s a sign of weakness if you show mercy. Even dig your nails in if you’re feeling empowered.

The first question is often a general question such as “Tell me a little about yourself.” It’s a trick. Don’t answer that. It’s not a question, it’s a demand. Show them you don’t give into demands — even very reasonable ones — right off the bat.

As the interview progresses, some very minor things are necessary to give off a good impression. Body language is huge. So first off, refrain from using your middle finger for anything. Keep it down and out of the way. The placement of your hands is crucial. Studies show that putting your hands in your pants is almost always bad, unless you’re, uh, picking up what the interviewer is putting down. Most importantly, make sure to keep eye contact and blink a normal amount of times. Too much blinking makes you look like you’re on drugs, and not enough blinking also makes you look like you’re on drugs.

Lastly, make sure to do research on the company and the person interviewing you if possible. Companies love to hear about all the news surrounding them — positive or negative — because it shows you’re interested in them and their business. So basically, feel free to be creepy.

As long as you make sure to relax, prepare, and be the most qualified person without any flaws and do everything perfectly, getting that internship will be super easy. Then again, I wouldn’t know.

Josh Feinblatt is a television, radio, film major. In his most recent interview, a dog peed on the floor outside the office where was being interviewed, which is true. He can be reached to be given an internship by email at jfeinbla@syr.edu or on Twitter @joshfeinblatt

Published on March 26, 2017 at 9:53 pm