Are you down with grapefruits? You should be.

The most slept-on fruits of the citrus variety, the grapefruit has been tossed aside by mainstream society in favor of younger, sexier fruits like oranges, lemons and limes. It’s a theme that pervades through every aspect of consumption. Big Citrus has poisoned your mind with subversive anti-grapefruit propaganda since the womb. But why?

Because they don’t want you to know the truth. What truth is this? That grapefruit and grapefruit juice are delicious, nutritious and go great with clear liquor.

This is going to be an easy one. I present to you: The Greyhound.

You’ve had vodka with just about every conceivable mixer — orange juice, lemonade, Gatorade and whatever else they had in the vending machine of your residence hall. Try, if you will, grapefruit juice — freshly squeezed if you can swing it and out of those little cans if you can’t. Feel free to top it off with a bit of club soda if you’re feeling frisky.

If the temperature of my room is any sort of reliable indicator, it’s hot outside. This one’ll cool you off real good. The average grapefruit is more than 90 percent water, and the juice is known to be pretty good for you as well. Supposedly it clears up your skin or something — who knows.

All I know is that I’ve consumed only Greyhounds for the past two weeks in preparation for this column and I’m feeling wonderful. Additionally, my hands are now massively powerful from squeezing all that fat citrus.

Seriously, though, this is a really nice, refreshing drink that will actually keep you cool without the cloying sweetness of other mixers like orange juice and soda. You probably won’t feel like drinking a lot of these very quickly due to the strong flavor of grapefruit, but it makes for a great midday sipper.

Traditionally, the Greyhound has been served as a brunch cocktail, but in recent years it’s been cast aside in favor of the Screwdriver, the Bloody Mary and the chronically overrated mimosa.
Historically it’s been a gin drink, but it’s just as good if not better with gin. Don’t bother with the top shelf for this one, though. The grapefruit flavors as so unbelievably overpowering that it’s best you use something that comes out of a plastic bottle for thriftiness’ sake.

Published on September 27, 2017 at 9:59 pm

Contact Mikey: mlight@syr.edu