The long-awaited spring break is upon us. Your days leading up to this have probably been spent consumed by work, with frequent breaks to throw up from a night of drinking. But you deserved it. It’s important to take time for yourself and blow off some steam, right?

Showing up to nearly 70 percent of those classes was hard enough. To reward yourself, now you get to continue your college career without any of those pesky classes getting in the way for the next week. Ideal.

I’m no stranger to spring break. I don’t mean to brag, but I’ve had one nearly every year since I started school. To describe them in a word? Riotous.

Here is a photo of me after a particularly rough day drink:

Courtesy of Lauren Perlowski

The ‘Bob and I got absolutely trashed before this photo, and as you can see we’re just trying to keep it together.

This break will obviously be no different. I’ve got some fun, sexy plans lined up for the next week. If you can, try to incorporate them into your own plans. It’ll be like we’re raging together, but apart.

My Fun and Sexy Week™ really starts on Monday, when I start with shots at 9 a.m. Novocaine shots. That’s right, I’m kicking off my week feeling both swollen and numb, and what could be better than that?

It will leave the rest of my day wide open for fun activities like touching my face to see if it’s still there and having spit dribble down my chin for hours without noticing. I warned you, this week was going to get #sexy.

On Tuesday, I’m planning on experimenting with some prescription drugs. No, not those kinds. The prescription? New glasses. The drug? That 20/20 vision, baby. Watch out Syracuse, because when I return, I’ll be changing my seat to the back of the class since I can now see the board.

Now, Wednesday. For many Spring Breakers, this is when the week hits a lull. But not. For. Me. I have the stamina of a bird hitting the window while trying to get in the house.

That’s right. It’s time for a full checkup at the doctor’s office. We’re talking blood pressure. We’re talking getting weighed. And you know what that means! Taking off the layers of jean and sweatshirts and shoes because you’ve been conditioned to place value on that number.

We’re talking cold stethoscopes. Deep breathing. Short breathing. Interrogative questions by your doctor who’s supposed to be ON YOUR SIDE. Dr. C and I have been through some rough spring breaks together, but we’ve made it out on the other side. But she best not test me this time.

These are the years we’re supposed to make mistakes and impulsive decisions. So, I’ve preemptively, impulsively decided to plan a haircut for Thursday. And I’m getting bangs.

We’ve been on a long journey, bangs and I. Here’s a photo:

Courtesy of Lauren Perlowski

Don’t get me wrong, they worked, OK? No, I can tell you’re questioning it, but they did.

Barb said so. Barb and I go back. It was actually her decision that I get bangs. She really convinced me with the argument, “I’m your mother. I decide or no TV.” Which, fair. I’m not going to argue with that logic. So, I think with this decision to revert to bangs I’m looking to recapture some of that youthful glow.

You guys probably have similar plans, right? Right, guys? Wait, where are you going? Oh, Mexico? Oh yeah, that’s cool too, I guess…

Lauren Perlowski is a senior broadcast and digital journalism major. She can be reached at lperlows@syr.edu.

Published on March 8, 2018 at 1:26 am