The upcoming months are a time for students to get their lives together before the next school year, whether that means earning some extra money, getting in shape or just catching up on sleep. But let’s be honest. It never ends up that way.

Like, I’m sorry, but whatever your plans for the long break may be, we all know they’re totally unrealistic. See below for the comparison.

Your Expectations:

Let’s set the scene: it’s the end of the school year, you’re sitting in the car with your parents on the way back home, you’re catching up on the last year and joyfully sing along to some upbeat (yet timeless!) car ride jams: “Who Let The Dogs Out” by Baha Men and “Fireflies” by Owl City. When you arrive home, you sit down for an enjoyable family dinner. What nice bonding!

The next morning, you’re off to look for some work. Should be a breeze. Who wouldn’t hire you?

It’s June. You have a steady income while maintaining your social butterfly status. Plus, your boss just hired a super cute employee who engaged in some flirty eye contact. Eventually, they gives you their number, and you two immediately fall in love.

It’s July. You and your summer love are hopelessly devoted. You’re eating healthy, because you can afford to go Whole Foods for lunch with your income. You learned to love celery, somehow.

It’s August. You’re tan, you have a six-pack and a wildly successful blog. You hear that “American Idol” is holding auditions in your town, and your friends (along with your summer lover) all tell you to audition. You do it as a joke but end up nailing the audition and making it to the live rounds.

Six months later, you’ve won “American Idol” and are famous beyond your wildest dreams. You get a letter from your summer lover saying “never forget me.” You don’t. You two live happily ever after. The end.

The Reality:

It’s the end of the school year, and you’re sitting on a bus. Your parents were going to pick you up but they “didn’t feel like driving that far.” It’s a 12-hour bus ride, and you’re next to someone listening to Taylor Swift way too loudly through their headphones.

The night you arrive at home, you eat dinner with your family. During the meal, your family lectures you about your life decisions. Talk about fun!

The day after you get home, you literally do not leave your bed. Not even once. The job hunt can wait. The extra 12 hours of sleep is much more important than your financial future. It’s not like you got sleep during the school year anyway.

It’s June. You have a job at the worst pizza place in your town. Plus, your boss hired your ex from high school, who you haven’t talked to in a few years. You aren’t planning on chatting now.

It’s July. You tried eating vegetables one time and it was awful. Why do people even like those? You marvel at the wonders of Instagram healthy food accounts as you drink M&M’s out of the bag.

It’s August. You have a patchy sunburn, and unfortunately aloe isn’t helping. You try to start a blog, but you get frustrated after trying to figure out Wix and give up. You hear that “American Idol” is auditioning in your town, and you decide to go with your friends “as a joke,” even though you secretly hope you make it — you’ve gotten pretty good at singing in the shower.

You bomb your audition and do not make it but instead become a viral YouTube sensation.

Six months later, you discover that someone has remixed your crying sounds from the audition. A single tear rolls down your face. The end.

Annabeth Grace Mann is a sophomore film major. Her column appears biweekly. She can be reached at agmann@syr.edu.

Published on April 30, 2018 at 10:40 am