The complicated ethics of dating across the aisle is a reality for many college students, particularly as another contentious presidential election approaches. Because what’s worse, refusing to date someone because of their political affiliation, or dating someone in spite of politics you find upsetting, or even destructive?

On a college campus, hookup culture can delay, if not defuse, this issue entirely, since the barometer for a viable hookup is vastly different than that of a viable long-term partner.

“I think it’s becoming more and more of a problem that people aren’t willing to look past something like political beliefs. I would hook up with someone because I liked them and liked being around them, not necessarily because we have the same beliefs,” said Cooper Walner, a democrat and freshman in the David B. Falk College of Sport and Human Dynamics.

There’s also the reality that many hookups happen without a great deal of time spent getting to know the other person involved, leaving both parties potentially in the dark about the political views of the other.

The person you go home from the bar with probably isn’t going to be your life partner, so who cares if they’re a registered republican or a card-carrying member of the democratic socialists of America? And yet, when signifiers like a MAGA hat, Reagan-Bush or Obama ‘08 T-shirt present themselves, it becomes harder to ignore.

“If I met him at DJ’s I probably wouldn’t know unless he’s wearing like, a Make America Great Again hat. And if he was, I would definitely not even approach him, or let him approach me. And if I didn’t know and I got back to his room and a flag of a certain kind was hanging in his room, I would leave. I would get up and go,” said Kaitlyn Yourkowki, a democrat and freshman in the College of Arts and Sciences.

Dating is another story. Engaging in a long-term relationship with someone requires a deeper connection than a one-off hookup, and disagreement over political leanings can cause constant strife and disagreement. Capeley Zimet, a democrat and freshman in Arts and Sciences, said she would hesitate to reject someone as a potential partner in a relationship based purely on their political leanings, though there were certain positions she couldn’t look past.

“You can’t be a bigot. You can’t be racist. You have to not hate universal health care,” she said. “If you align with Trump, no. If you voted for Donald Trump, I’m dropping you after a casual hookup.”

Yourkoski also echoed the same sentiment.

“Getting along with people with different opinions is important,” Yourkoski said. “Not always agreeing with people is important.”

Young men seemed less concerned with the political leanings of their partners, even within a long-term committed relationship.

Freshman and republican Trey Redfield said it doesn’t matter what party a potential partner is in, only their personality.

Walner said expressed a similar position.

“It’s a little tougher to say but… if I had genuine affection for who they are, I would choose to be with the person over leaving them because of who they voted for,” he said.

As political polarization continues to intensify across the nation, conversations surrounding when and if it’s ok to date, befriend, work for, or even associate with individuals outside of your own political leanings will inevitably work their way into the zeitgeist.

Ultimately, choosing whether or not to date someone with different political leanings than you should be a personal decision, as with all dating and relationship matters.

Self-selecting behaviors, like refusing to date or even befriend individuals with whom you disagree politically, will exacerbate political divisions. Finding the balance between teaching others and learning from them is hard. It’s also a part of growing up and learning to live in a world full of different people with different opinions.

Sydney Gold is a freshman political science and magazine journalism major. Her column appears bi-weekly. She can be reached at segold@syr.edu. She can be followed on Twitter at @Sydney_Eden.

Published on February 16, 2020 at 9:10 pm