As part of my usual Friday night ritual before I go bed, I do what all millennials do — I watch my Snapchat stories, the 21st century-version of a bedtime story. While swiping through UK newspaper The Daily Mail’s story, my half-asleep self chuckled when I read the headlines, “Student complains about neighbor’s loud love making, and gets a heartfelt apology in return… and a sweet treat.” Upon further reading, I was surprised to discover this happened on the Syracuse University campus.

Yes guys. While our beloved school has made headlines for all things basketball and Boeheim as well as an amazing scientific discovery last year, this time around, SU made a mark in international news for the way we have sex in our dorms.

Jenna Levine wrote a note to her dorm neighbor — shout out to DellPlain Hall — complaining their loud sexual activities were keeping her awake, and slipped it under their door. The note read: “Hello neighbor, Please have sex a little more quietly please. Some of us are trying to nap and not be reminded how alone I am…feel free to make all the love you want. Just please, make it nasty at a lower volume. Thank you!”

What made the story go viral on Twitter though, was that her neighbor responded with an equally polite handwritten note and chocolate as an apology.

One of college’s many joys is dorm life, and I think it’s safe to say that with its paper-thin walls, almost all of us have been exposed to the sounds of vigorous boning. While the normal response would be to bang on the walls — no pun intended — or to just plug in your earphones, we can definitely learn a thing or two from our DellPlain celebrity here about the very important but somewhat ignored art of sex etiquette.

Now, when I say sex etiquette, I’m talking about the niceties that should be performed by all sexually active college students living in close quarters.

Much like the story above, it’s common to walk down a dorm hallway and hear a symphony of sounds. Even worse is if you, like Levine, happen to be roomed right next to the live action.

Niceness goes a long way and if you find yourself in that situation, take a cue from Levine and write a polite note and slip it under the door. Or even better still, if you’re the couple getting it on, tone it down a notch. Yes, your body is feeling some wondrous things but you’re not shooting a porno. Unless you are, in which case, really guys? Restraining yourself from singing the sexual anthem can be all the more exciting and if that’s too difficult, you can always bite down on a pillow — or your partner.

Another fun part about dorm living is having a roommate. Unless you’re one of the lucky few to have a single, you’re familiar with sharing your living space. Whether you end up being best friends or you secretly wish the other would just transfer schools, one of the worst things you could do to your roomie is sexile them.

For those not familiar with the term, Urban Dictionary defines being sexiled as “when you cannot go into your room because your roommate is having sex.”

Now I understand we’re all sexual beings and have our urges, but just as much as it’s your room, it’s your roommate’s too. Nothing’s worse than coming back from a long day on campus and not being able to even enter your own room. Whether that means giving your roomie a heads-up way in advance so he/she can figure out alternative sleeping arrangements, or only doing it when you know your roommate has class, be considerate.

Also kids, for those of you in a split double, just a note: Despite how quiet you think you’re being, no one’s being fooled by those giggles and rustling: we know you’re doing the dirty.

Lastly, I can’t talk about college sex etiquette without talking about sex in public. While I did once write an article on places to have sex on campus, the truth is, no one actually wants to see you getting it on. Half the fun is getting caught and as someone who has been there, I have to admit while it was happening I kept thinking: “This can’t be an enjoyable sight on a Thursday night.”

Sex in the Dome, sex in the dorm showers, or any after-school activities around campus; it might be fun for the ones doing it, but for the innocent bystanders, it’s not. Knowing your bare ass was once on the table I fell asleep on in class is just gross.

College is a wonderful time and let’s try to keep it that way by being considerate to one another. While you might be all for letting the whole campus know how your freak flag flies, sometimes less is definitely way more.

Lydia Chan is a senior magazine major. Her column appears weekly in Pulp. You can reach her at lychan@syr.edu. 

Published on November 9, 2016 at 9:30 pm